


Haikyuu: Group Chats and Text Challenges

by badatbeingbohemian



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Attempt at Humor, Challenges, Chaotic Wine Aunt Sugawara Koushi, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack and Angst, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Games, Group chat, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Light BDSM, M/M, Nishinoya Yuu is a Little Shit, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, Pretty Setter Squad, Relationship Discussions, Texting, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles, YouTuber Kozume Kenma, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:47:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badatbeingbohemian/pseuds/badatbeingbohemian
Summary: A selection of our favourite Haikyuu boys all bantering, pulling pranks and challenging their significant others with ridiculous questions!
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 76





	1. i’m meeting up with my ex

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Just here to say that this AU takes place ten years in the future so all of the characters are 26-28 years old. The relationships are as follows: 
> 
> DaiSuga (Daichi x Suga)  
> TsukiYama (Tsukishima x Yamaguchi)  
> KageHina (Kageyama x Hinata)  
> AsaNoya (Asahi x Nishinoya)  
> IwaOi (Iwaizumi x Oikawa)  
> KuroKen (Kuroo x Kenma)  
> BokuAka (Bokuto x Akaashi) 
> 
> This is just a bit of fun I play around with in my free time so don't take anything too seriously! 
> 
> Thanks and enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa creates a group chat out of boredom. He, of course, has some stupid challenge for them all. Why any of them agreed will always be a mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter has text stuff and then some in person stuff, but after this it’s all text fic.

GreatOika _added Shochan, sugamama, ak_kei, Kodzuken, Nishiya and Yamashi to the group chat._

GreatOika _renamed the chat_ Rock Bottom _._

GreatOika: welcome one welcome all 

Shochan: Hi Oika-senpai!!

GreatOika: hey there small fry 

Yamashi: Hello?

Nishiya: Hey guyss

Kodzuken: If you think Kuroo's a top you're sorely mistaken

Kodzuken: I mean I guess I kinda get why you might think that

Kodzuken: But also no

Nishiya: I think that's the most I've ever seen Kenma say in one go (°O° )

Yamashi: Even typing??

Kodzuken: Middle finger emoji

GreatOika: and he was talking about his sex life~ who knew

Shochan: He's playing Skyrim even tho he's finished it like ten times 🙄

Kodzuken: Different consoles different builds different goals it's about challenge show yo whatever you wouldn't understand how hard it is to go from battle mage to monk and still beat in team cheese

sugamama: what in the hell did i just read

Yamashi: He has a point ngl..

GreatOika: nerds

ak_kei: Team..cheese..?

Kodzuken: Speech to text

Shochan: I'm sorry ok jeez, it's just that it's the same thing over and over again 😞

Kodzuken: Says the athlete

Shochan: But it's volleyball!!!!

ak_kei: Wait...

ak_kei: The chat name.... is that just an insult or do you guys think I'm a bottom?

GreatOika: yea??

ak_kei: As in..you actually thought that.... Bokuto.. is a top..?

sugamama: Can honestly say I've never thought about it

Yamashi: Can honestly say I have thought about it many times both ways and it's allll good

Nishiya: Hahaha Yams is not the lil angle ppl think he is

Kodzuken: Angle

GreatOika: skinny jeans gotta up his game oop

Yamashi: I'm very satisfied thank you

sugamama: Mothers shouldn't have to see their children talk like this

sugamama: At least I still have the illusion of Hinata's innocence

Shochan: I'll never let you down!!! 😁

Nishiya: Fs hahhaha

ak_kei: Why was I added to this torture simulator?

Kodzuken: Me when I was born

GreatOika: MY TURN TO TALK NOW

GreatOika: ok so I had this absolutely amazing idea

sugamama: I've heard that line way too many times

GreatOika: wanna do one of those challenges?

ak_kei: No

Kodzuken: No.

Shochan: Sure!! What's it gonna be? Oo what about how many spikes you can do in a minute?!? 😱😱

Nishiya: Don't think that's what he meant tbh Shoyo

Yamashi: I'd just like to take a second to say that I appreciate the extra effort of verbally adding punctuation just to make your texts even drier

Kodzuken: Thanks yams Gucci

Nishiya: Yams gucci!! HahaHAHhhAha

Nishiya: I'm choking

sugamama: Sounds like a typical Friday night to me

GreatOika: d e a d

Yamashi: Please mother!

sugamama: Sorry kids

Shochan: I don't get it ☹️

Yamashi: So you say....

sugamama: This is why Hinata's my favourite

Nishiya: *sobs in libero*

Shochan: 👀👀

GreatOika: moving swiftly on

GreatOika: i was thinking we could do one of those test your boyfriend challenges from tiktok or whatever

Shochan: Ooohhh I getcha now!!

GreatOika: perfect we're all in

Nishiya: I never said tha-

ak_kei: I did not agree to this

Shochan: 👏👏👏

Kodzuken: If show you is doing it I guess I will

Yamashi: Tsukki will get mad and roast me and then I'll cry

Yamashi: But I'm constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown anyway so why not

sugamama: Cus I'm actually really ✨ fragile ✨ 

Nishiya: Can we please change Shoyo's name to "show you" and Yamaguchi's to "yams gucci" plssss

Yamashi: Brilliant

GreatOika: refreshing-kun~

sugamama: Let's get chaotic bois!

Nishiya: YAYYY!!!!

Shochan: 🎉🎉

ak_kei: Wow, I have no say in this whatsoever, do I? What are actually doing then?

GreatOika: tell them you're gonna meet up with your ex and see how they react

Shochan: Kageyama will freak out 😬

Yamashi: Oh no no no

Nishiya: That took a turn..but Asahi and I will CRUSH ALL OF YOU

Kodzuken: Get ready losers

Shochan: Well if it's a competition— 😠

ak_kei: I hate this. Bokuto's just going to get all moody and huff with me for weeks or he'll get mad at himself or start crying thinking the worst

ak_kei: This is, and I cannot stress this enough, this is a bad idea

Shochan: Oh c'mon! It'll be fun!!

Kodzuken: Scared

ak_kei: I'm not scared

Nishiya: You're yella

ak_kei: I'm just trying to warn you all!

sugamama: Ok but one small problem

sugamama: Daichi and I literally got together in high school

sugamama: I don't have an ex and he knows it

GreatOika: say you exchanged numbers platonically with someone but now they're hitting on you?? sound good?

sugamama: He's probably gonna laugh at me for that one but it works

Yamashi: Is this meant to test their love or something? I feel like this could easily strain a relationship

Shochan: You don't have to do it Yamaguchi!!

Nishiya: Feel free to back out like a pussy

sugamama: NOYA

sugamama: Of course you don't have to do it Yamaguchi and you won't be a "pussy" for not wanting to if you believe it could damage your relationship with Tsukishima

GreatOika: you could always just tell him it was a challenge if he takes it wrong??

Kodzuken: Automatic loss

Nishiya: Definitely

Shochan: You never know Yamaguchi! He could be really cool about it 😵😵

Yamashi: I guess we'll see(*_*) 

ak_kei: The act of testing a relationship is surely a sign in itself that it's not a strong relationship

GreatOika: it's not testing..it's just curiosity

sugamama: Akaashi has a point and I hate to agree with Oikawa....

GreatOika: BUT

sugamama: Oh no, I was finished

GreatOika: fuck you

sugamama: In your dreams pretty boy

Nishiya: He says as if he's not also pretty

Shochan: We're all pretty!!

Kodzuken: If you say so

Nishiya: I'm not pretty!

Shochan: Aw don't say that Noya!!!

Nishiya: I'm HOT AF

Shochan: 😮

ak_kei: Let's get this over with then

Yamashi: I feel like this should be done in person right?

GreatOika: ok then let's all do it, if you can then film it, and then we can meet up for coffee and share their reactions

ak_kei: It'll be easier to comfort him that way when this inevitably goes wrong

GreatOika: not too good with subtlety are you akaashi??

Shochan: If we meet then that means I'm not even lying!! 😊

Kodzuken: Ha see you there

Nishiya: I'm gonna win!!!

Shochan: Never!!!!!! 😠😠

Nishiya: This is WAR!!!!

Yamashi: And Tsukki will defeat all of you!

sugamama: Hate to break it to you, but Daichi and I will beat your asses into next week x

Shochan: (As long as you don't mean literally cus Daichi is scary 😟)

Shochan: BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!   
  
  


———————————————————————

  
"Sorry I'm late!" Yamaguchi called, rushing towards his friends' table.

It was a small café but they had opted to sit outside as not to disturb the other patrons. It was a nice day out and they didn't want to interrupt the book club mothers, frazzled businesspeople and sleep-deprived students already inside with their clamorous banter. Hinata and Nishinoya were present after all. Not to mention, Kenma sat like a child with his head down in his console and his legs crossed under him, his trainers up on the chair. Sitting indoors wasn't worth the aggravation.

Yamaguchi hurried inside to buy a drink, Oikawa calling a new order after him as Suga laughed maniacally at yet another tale of Noya's latest trip abroad, Akaashi observing quietly from the corner. Hinata watched over Kenma's shoulder as he slashed through monsters with ease, almost falling out of his seat in the process.

When everyone was finally settled, the great show began. They huddled around, leaning on each other and peering over shoulders, volume high but not quite blaring, eager to prove once and for all that they had the strongest, most loving relationship in all of Japan.

Nishinoya was the first to bat.

  
  


———————————————————————

  
  


"My ex messaged me." 

"Saying what?"

Nishinoya and Asahi sat at their dinner table, eating an odd display of foods not one of the other men recognised. If there was one thing the couple brought back from their journeys, it was the local cuisine.

"That they're gonna be in town for a few days and that they want to meet up."

"And you said..?"

Noya shrugged non-committally, "Not much."

"Well," Asahi set down his fork, chewing at his cheek, "how do you feel about it?"

"Weird. All our pics are online so it's not as if they don't know I'm taken, but I haven't talked to them in a long time."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I know," Noya sighed, setting down his own cutlery, "It would be nice to have some closure though. We ended on a real sour note."

This was some of the best acting the guys had ever seen. There was no way anyone would guess this was just some dumb challenge off of social media. Asahi certainly wasn't.

"So you'd like to meet them?"

"With caution. Is that alright with you?"

"Of course it is, love. I mean, you don't need my permission, but yeah, that's absolutely fine by me."

"I know I don't need it, but I'd still like it."

Asahi smiled that tender smile of his and picked up his fork once more, "Well, permission granted. Mission is a go."

"Shut up, you big dork!"

  
  


———————————————————————

  
  


"I think it's fair to say I've already won," Noya announced as everyone laughed along.

A crease appeared in Yamaguchi's forehead as he sat back in his chair, muttering, "You don't know that."

Akaashi rolled his eyes as Noya shot up to defend his man, "As if Tsukishima could do better."

"Of course he did!"

"Well give us your phone and we'll find out."   


  
  


———————————————————————

The video started with Yamaguchi simply sitting in an armchair whilst Tsukki watched the local news from the settee, something the boys were quick to comment on. He insisted it was only so Tsukishima wouldn't notice him filming. 

"Hey, Tsukki?"

"Why do you sound so hesitant?"

"No reason!" Yamaguchi instinctively exclaimed. Way to keep it discreet, buddy. "I just wanted to tell you something."

"And that would be?" Tsukishima drawled expectantly, barely looking away from the week’s weather report.

"I'm meeting up with my ex."

"Okay. Tell her 'hi' from me I guess."

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? It's been years and I know you're still friendly," his eyes narrowed, "And you can call her Yachi to my face, you know?"

Yamaguchi nodded nervously, "Right. Of course."

"Stop being weird, Tadashi."

"Sorry, Tsukki."

  
  


———————————————————————

  
  


"And you think that was better than Azumane's reaction?" Oikawa snickered disbelievingly. 

"Yes!"

"To be fair," Sugawara mediated, "for Tsukishima that was very endearing."

"That's not saying much."

"You think you and Iwaizumi did better?"

"Obviously."

Oikawa set his phone on the table and pressed play.

"You just showed us the code to his apartment building," Yamaguchi deadpanned.

"At least I know the code!"

"I have a key!"

Suga was smirking as Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose, but it was Hinata who butt in and forced everyone into silence.

  
  


———————————————————————

"Iwa-chan~"

"In the kitchen."

"Hey there, handsome."

"Tooru."

"Oh, somebody's in a good mood this evening."

"I'm making agedashi tofu."

"Nice. Well, I was thinking—"

"Dangerous."

"—and I have a quick question."

Iwaizumi looked up from his chopping board, skepticism clear in the crease between his eyebrows.

"What is it?"

"Well, hypothetically, if I were to, say, meet up with an ex, what would you say exactly?"

"I'd say give me their address so I can go over there and beat them to a bloody pulp."

His knuckles whitened around the handle of his knife.

"Good to know."

"Are you meeting up with an ex?"

Oikawa took a step back, a short and clearly tense chuckle escaping his lips, "No, no, just the boys in a couple days. Chibi-chan and whatnot. Feel free to tag along."

"Maybe I will."

"You're welcome to. _Anyways_ , enjoy the tofu, I'm gonna go shower."

"In my apartment?"

And with that, Oikawa hurried away before Iwaizumi could ask any further questions. He whispered something about an angry Iwa being incredibly hot before turning the corner. As he did, at the very edge of the screen and off in the background, it was possible to make out Iwaizumi silently laugh to himself, shake his head and turn back to continue making his food. He had known it was bullshit all along, the sneak. At least he knew how to play along with Oikawa's ridiculous games.

———————————————————————  
  


"Lame."

"Shut the hell up."

"Kuroo's a pain but he'll never be as bad as you."

"I take that as a compliment."

"Only you would."

Kenma looked up from his PSP and met eyes with Oikawa. He may not have looked it, but he wasn't one to back down from a fight.

———————————————————————  
  


"I'm gonna meet up with Shoyo soon."

"Make a video with him!"

"Unlikely."

"It would help your content to reach a wider audience."

"You remember that we used to date, right?"

"Yeah, so? You literally sponsor his matches. Least he could do is appear in a vlog for a minute or two."

"I told you I'm not doing another vlog."

"But your fans love them!"

"No, Kuroo."

"But—"

"Do I have to say it again, you brat?"

"No. Sorry."

"That's what I thought."   
  


———————————————————————  
  


"God," Akaashi raised an eyebrow, "You've got him on a short leash."

Kenma just smiled.

Suga offered his phone up next to the group, "Well, unlike the rest of you losers, I don't have an ex. So I improvised and ended up using Trashykawa."

"What d'you mean you used me?!"

"Watch the video and you'll find out."

———————————————————————  
  


Suga subtly set up his phone on a shelf behind Daichi, who was lounging on the couch watching television. He then casually walked over and sat next to him.

"Hey, remember the captain of Aoba Johsai?"

"Oikawa? What about him?"

"We bumped into each other the other day."

"Small world," Daichi shrugged easily, before recalling just what type of person Oikawa had been back in their school days and stiffening, "Or did something happen?"

"He hit on me."

"And?"

"He asked for my number."

"And you're crazy so you gave it to him."

"I felt bad."

"If you're asking me to turn him down for you, I'm not doing it," Daichi chuckled, turning back to the TV, "You made your bed, now lie in it."

"You're so mean when you're jealous."

He scoffed, "And why, pray tell, would I be jealous of a vindictive little twink like him?"

"I dunno," Suga teased coyly, "I mean, he is a very attractive guy. Maybe I should accept his date offer."

"Go right ahead. Make sure to send me any photos."

Suga groaned, kicking out at his partner, "It's not fun if you play along, Daichi."

"Hurry up and reject him already."

"He has a pretty face."

"Good thing you're an ass guy."

Daichi got up from the couch and lifted his empty glass from the coffee table, but on his way to the kitchen he paused. He had noticed the phone.

"Are you filming me? Okay, come clean. What are we doing here?"

"It was a challenge," Suga crowed triumphantly, "What the fuck, you got so pouty!"

"Well don't text guys who are literally flirting with you!"

"He doesn't, he doesn't. Well, maybe a little, but only jokingly. He has his own boyfriend and he's totally whipped. No chance on either side."

"Wait, you talk to him frequently?"

"As friends, yeah."

Daichi shakes his head disbelievingly, a little stunned but not angry.

"My favourite part was when you called him a twink as if that's a negative in your eyes," Suga cackled, "Like, consider who you're dating."

Daichi tried to hold back him smile behind pursed lips but ultimately burst out laughing also.

"Aren't you a little old to be considered a twink?"

"You should see Oikawa. Total twunk now." 

"Can't imagine it."   
  


———————————————————————

Oikawa scowled, "I'm not _whipped_."

Everyone laughed.

"I bet he fucked you good after that."

"Nishinoya!" Hinata panicked, "We're in public."

"You have no idea. Anyways, Akaashi, how did Bokuto react?"

Akaashi sighed, "Exactly as predicted."   
  


———————————————————————   
  


"Kou, I'm going to tell you something and you can't get upset."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just want to make sure you won't freak out first."

"I'm not gonna freak out."

"You say that..." Akaashi sighed, casually raising his phone to his chest, "I'm going to meet up with my ex-girlfriend."

Bokuto's face fell, "What? Why?"

"To explain why I broke up with her. Apparently she found it difficult to process and—"

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No."

"Then why..?"

"Because her therapist told her that she needed closure—"

"I love you!"

"I love you too. That's why I—"

"What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing, baby. Just take a minute to collect yourself and I'll explain the situation."

A moment passed as Akaashi sat down next to Bokuto and rubbed his back comfortingly, camera completely forgotten. Bokuto leant his head on Akaashi's shoulder as he took control of his breathing to prevent any waterworks, shaky gulps slowly turning into level sighs.

"I love you," Akaashi stated calmly, resting his own head against Bokuto's, "and I'm not leaving you. I don't plan to ever leave you."

"You don't?"

"Never."

"Not 'til I die?"

"If you live as long as you're planning to then I'll die long before you ever will."

"Not 'til you die then."

"Not until I die. I broke up with her because I'm gay, Bokuto. I didn't want to admit it when I was young, which is why I was dating her in the first place. I was scared. Of my family's reaction, of what people would think of me, of society as a whole... I don't know. But I was scared. But then we met again after so many years and I realised that that was why I felt so empty. You weren't in my life anymore. So I worked on myself to get better. I visited a psychotherapist and there I got a handle on my overthinking, I became more comfortable with myself and my sexuality, I learnt to accept myself for me. I came out to my parents for better or worse, then to my friends and even a workmate or two. Then I told her and, of course, we broke up. Then the next time I saw you I confessed my feelings and, to my surprise, you not only accepted them but returned them as well. You are my everything, Kou. You're the reason I like my life. I'm never leaving your side."

"You mean that?"

"I wouldn't say it otherwise."

"So you're not getting back together with her?"

"Would never dream of it."

"I love you, Keiji."

"I love you, Koutarou."

———————————————————————

"Okay, well, I think it's pretty obvious who won," Noya huffed. Who would've thought that Akaashi would have been the one to bring out the big guns?

"We haven't seen Shoyo's yet," Kenma interrupted the guys' playful arguing.

"No, Akaashi definitely got it," Hinata sighed, "Kageyama didn't care at all."

"To be fair, you and Kenma hang out all the time."

"On video," Kenma rolled his eyes, "It's different to meet in person."

"Is it?"

"I dunno. He just told me to wear this and let me go," Hinata shrugged, holding up his left hand. On his ring finger was a slim silver band.

The table's collective jaw dropped.

"Show us the video right this second," Suga demanded.

———————————————————————

"I'm gonna meet up with my ex. I just thought you should know."

"Okay."

Hinata froze. That wasn't the reaction he had expected. Maybe because he talked to Kenma so frequently? Usually he got a little pouty, not properly upset but there was always a reaction. Maybe he had been expecting too much. But, then again, he had never mentioned Kenma. He had just said 'ex', no specifications, and he had amassed quite a few of those in their time between high school and finally getting together with Kageyama.

"Okay?"

Kageyama nodded once.

"Yeah, just bring this with you."

He chucked a small box at his boyfriend, who only just about caught it with no forewarning. Hinata eyed Kageyama but decided it was probably safe and slowly pulled back the lid. Something so small couldn't be harmful, right? To his surprise, it was a piece of jewellery. A slim silver band nestled within the silken cushioning of a velvet box. They didn't do gifts like this. Expensive ones. They bought one another food from street vendors and occasionally threw a bunch of flowers at each other on special occasions like anniversaries or whatever. Hinata was confused.

"What is this?"

"Dumbass. It's a fucking ring. Put it on your finger. Not that finger! Your ring finger."

"Can't rings go on all fingers?"

"Put it on this one."

Kageyama took a similar ring from his pocket and shoved it down the length of his own slender finger, splaying them out and waving it in Hinata's face.

The video ended with Hinata slapping his hand away, grabbing his phone from where it had been filming on a table and grabbing his coat to head out the door. He was wearing the exact same clothes as he was in the café. This had literally just happened.   
  


———————————————————————

  
  


Nishinoya was the first to react.

"Oh my fuck..."

Then Akaashi.

"I can't believe this."

Oikawa.

"I thought I was meant to be the first."

Kenma.

"You really are an idiot sometimes."

Tears pricked at Sugawara's eyes.

"It's so perfect."

"What do you mean?" Hinata burst out, truly baffled by his friends' flabbergasted expressions.

"That's an engagement ring, dumbass!" Yamaguchi exclaimed.

Hinata's eyes blew wide, his mouth fell open, his arms went slack at his sides, before his body tensed up entirely and he shot up from his chair.

"I'm engaged! Oh my god! I've gotta phone Tobio!"


	2. you’re bad in bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa challenges the boys to tell their partners that they’re bad in bed.

**Rock Bottom**

GreatOika: ok so i'm really curious to see what your boyfriends would say if you told them they're bad in bed

Shochan: Finance*

sugamama: Fiancé*

Shochan: It was autocorrect!!!   


Kodzume: Sure it was 

sugamama: Hush child

Nishiya: Asahi will take that seriously tho

GreatOika: allowing you to have a conversation, you guys are good at that if last time was anything to go off of

Nishiya: Communication is the most vital part of a relationship Oikawa

Kodzuken: Kuroo'll be a pain so I'm out

Shochan: Oh c'mon Kenma!! It'll be fun!!!

GreatOika: yea kenma it'll be fuuun (＾▽＾)

Yamashi: One problem

Yamashi: I'm a coward

Nishiya: So is Asahi but he knows that he has to face it and have the big conversations YamsGucci

Yamashi: Yeah but we don't have a big convo that's acc needed to be had

sugamama: Was that a real sentence?

Yamashi: Shhh

Nishiya: Akaashi's being reallll quiet

ak_kei: I'll do it

Shochan: Let's try our best everyone!

Kodzuken: I guess

GreatOika: Fab

* * *

**Nishinoya Yuu and Azumane Asahi**

  
Nishinoya: you're bad in bed

Asahi: Ok I'm gonna go cry now brb

Noya: Oh no honey it was a challenge I didn't mean it I'm sorry

Asahi: Where am I going wrong?

Noya: Nowhere! You're fantastic!!!

Asahi: I mean I know cumming doesn't automatically mean you loved it but I thought that you at least liked it

Noya: I do hon!

Noya: I DO!!!

Asahi: Please don't lie Yuu

Noya: I'm not!!!!

Noya: You're so fucking sexy and handsome and amazing

Noya: You're a damn sex god

Asahi: Then why would you say it in the first place?

Noya: It was a challenge I'm sorrryyyyy

Asahi: Are you sure?

Noya: YES

Noya: A million times yes!!

Noya: Please don't change anything!!!!

Asahi: If you're sure

Noya: 100%

Noya: We've been together for 8 years hon, I definitely would've told you before now

Asahi: If there's anything you want me to change please tell me

Noya: That goes both ways

Asahi: Now that you mention it...

Noya: Give it to me! I can handle it!!!

Asahi: Ah I was just joking ahaha 😅

Noya: (*_*)

Noya: Guess I deserved that

Noya: I'm really happy with our relationship right now

Asahi: Me too ☺️

* * *

**Sugawara Koushi and Sawamura Daichi**

**  
**Suga: Okay I know we were trying some new stuff last time so obviously it wasn't gonna go 100% perfect, but truthfully it was kinda terrible

Daichi: You really think so?

Suga: No lie

Daichi: Oh thank god, it was so awkward

Suga: Right?! And we're never like that in bed

Daichi: Exactly

Suga: Glad we agree

Daichi: Now we just have to figure out whether it was first time jitters, newbie incompetence or if it's completely incompatible with our dynamic

Suga: So you're up for trying again?

Daichi: If you're comfortable with it

Suga: Sure thing

Suga: Wait were you just not gonna say anything if I hadn't?

Daichi: If you hadn't then obviously I would've

Suga: Good 

Suga: Remember you can always talk to me about that stuff

Suga: I don't ever want you to be uncomfortable

Daichi: I know baby

Daichi: And the same goes for you

Suga: I know baby

Daichi: Love you xx

Suga: love you more xxx

Daichi: Impossible xxxx

* * *

**Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei  
  
**

Yams: You're bad in bed

Tsukki: You wait how many years to tell me this?

Yams: It was a challenge

Yams: You're great

Yams: I'm sorry

Tsukki: Was it actually or are you just trying to backpedal out of a serious conversation?

Yams: It really was! I can even show you the gc

Tsukki: I don't want to see Hinata's dumbassery thank you

Yams: It was Oikawa's idea actually

Tsukki: Impossibly it became worse

* * *

**Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio**

**  
**Hinata: You're bad in bed

Kags: So are you, don't hear me complaining

Hinata: Do something else next time

Kags: Like what?

Hinata: Like-

Kags: I'm waiting

Hinata: Idk just something different!!

Kags: Uh huh

* * *

**Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime**

**  
**Oikawa: you're bad in bed

Iwa: Not what you said yesterday but go off I guess

Oikawa: maybe I lied

Iwa: Or maybe this is a ploy for attention

Oikawa: we're not having sex until you start to take me seriously

Iwa: Have fun with you hand

Oikawa: you too asshole

* * *

**Akaashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou**

**  
**Akaashi: hey baby

Bokuto: akaashi!!

Akaashi: I've got something important to say

Bokuto: Ok!! but don't you wanna do it in person?

Akaashi: It's a little embarrassing

Bokuto: That's ok akaashi! I'll always listen!!

Akaashi: I know you will baby

Akaashi: It’s just that.. I don't want to hurt your feelings

Bokuto: Ohhh it's my fault

Akaashi: No no no that isn't what I meant at all

Akaashi: It’s an us thing

Bokuto: Ok then what's up?

Akaashi: It's just that.. you're kinda bad in bed

Bokuto: Oh 

Bokuto: I thought I was doing pretty good tbh

Akaashi: Well yeah I mean mostly you are

Bokuto: what am I bad at then?

...

Bokuto: Akaashi I realise that you're trying not to hurt me rn but it'll honestly be so much better if you just rip off the bandage

Akaashi: Are you sure?

Bokuto: Completely

Akaashi: You get overexcited easily which makes it difficult to stick to a rhythm

Akaashi: I just need you to stay down

Akaashi: You're always trying to hug me or kiss me or touch me or whatever, and that's lovely in sentiment, it's truly very sweet, but it makes fucking you a chore

Bokuto: Oh

Akaashi: And that came out way too harsh

Bokuto: I'm sorry

Akaashi: It's not something to apologise for baby, it's my fault for not bringing it up sooner

Bokuto: I just want to show you how much I love you

Akaashi: And I love that about you

Bokuto: But I want you to feel good

Akaashi: Of course baby, I want you to feel good too

Bokuto: Do you wanna try tying me up?

Akaashi: What? Where did that come from?

Bokuto: Well I really struggle to stay still and no offence but you're not about to hold me down

Bokuto: Daichi's into that kind of thing and he's talked about it a little

Bokuto: I could ask him for tips

Akaashi: If you want to try that we can

Bokuto: Ok I'll definitely ask him then!!

Akaashi: I love you

Bokuto: I love you!!!!!

* * *

**Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsuro**

**  
**Kenma: You're bad in bed

Kuroo: but I do everything you tell me to!

Kuroo: or is that the problem? 😏

Kenma: Stfu it was a challenge

Kenma: I'm setting up to stream so don't bother me

Kuroo: sure thing Kenma 😏 


	3. send nudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya’s keeping the gc alive :) 
> 
> Bonus Hanamaki/Matsukawa and Suna/Osamu at the end just cus

**Rock Bottom**

  
  
Nishiya: Ok so hear me out

sugamama: Oh sweet jesus give me strength

Nishiya: Let's ask our men for nudes

sugamama: I retract my previous statement

Yamashi: I'm down

Shochan: This is a fifty-fifty ngl

GreatOika: iwa never sends back

GreatOika: this needs to be addressed and i thank you for giving me this opportunity nishinoya

Nishiya: Glad to be of service :P

Ak_kei: This is an..interesting one

Kodzuken: I have plenty already

Kodzuken: Not that he knows heh heh

Yamashi: That's not terrifying at all

Kodzuken: He's blindfolded sm, what am I to do?

Ak_kei: Still..I don't know if taking them without his permission is the best idea

Kodzuken: He's said I could take pictures

Kodzuken: He just doesn't know that I actually took him up on that offer.. 😏 

Shochan: We can't let them win!

sugamama: I'm about to go ahead and ask so

Nishiya: Yesss

———————————————————————

**Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei**   
  


Yams: Tsukki...

Tsukki: Tadashi...

Yams: You have every right to say no

Yams: Would you possibly maybe send me a picture?

Yams: Just, y'know, you've been on that business trip for the past while and well

Tsukki: You're horny?

Yams: Tsukki!

Tsukki: You're a pervert, Tadashi. No point trying to hide it from me at this stage

Yams: Yeah ok fine

Tsukki: I'm on my way back to my hotel so we can call soon

Yams: Call?

Tsukki: Usually you like hearing my voice

Yams: Let's call!

Tsukki: Enthusiastic, aren't we?

Yams: It's just not something I thought you'd be interested in

Tsukki: I hadn't thought about it before, but it's better than just a picture, right?

Yams: Definitely

Tsukki: I hope you realise I meant video call

Yams: Ok!

Yams: I love you Tsukki

Tsukki: Shut up Tadashi

Yams: I know you love me too

Tsukki: That much is obvious

———————————————————————

  
  


**Nishinoya Yuu and Azumane Asahi**

Noya: Are you busy? 

Asahi: Not particularly, just finishing up a few things

Asahi: What's up?

Noya: You got access to an empty room?

Asahi: Yes..?

Noya: Wanna send me a few pics?

Asahi: Yuu!

Noya: You don't have to

Asahi: I know but when you ask stuff all spontaneous like that I want to

Noya: Oh really now

Asahi: Ok ok just give me a few minutes to get myself together

Noya: If I must

Noya: But I gotta say, I like it when you're undone 

Asahi: You're such a flirt

Noya: And you love it

Asahi: Yeah...

———————————————————————

**Sugawara Koushi and Sawamura Daichi**

Suga: [sends a shirtless pic] 

Daichi: geey

Daichi: je

Daichi: reh

Daichi: dei

Daichi: hs

Daichi: o

Daichi: ebe

Daichi: ansj

Daichi: I'm on the clock!

Suga: Oops

Daichi: Baby don't do this to me

Suga: Well you gotta send one back

Suga: It's the rules

Daichi: What rules?

Suga: The rules of nudes baby

Daichi: Shut up

[much to Suga's surprise, he receives a pic of a half-naked Daichi half an hour later]

Suga: Well hello there mister

Daichi: I ordered coffee just so I could use this café's bathroom and take that for you

Daichi: So appreciate it

Suga: Oh I'm appreciating it alright

———————————————————————

**Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio**

**  
**Hinata: Send nudes 😚

Kags: Use the ones you already have

Hinata: But they're old 😩

Kags: No they're not!

Hinata: They're from months ago

Hinata: I've been using them for months 😩

Kags: You've been using me for years

Kags: Are you calling me boring?

Hinata: NO!!!!

Kags: Then use what you have

Hinata: Fine 😒

———————————————————————

**Akaashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou**

Akaashi: Hey, I can't believe I'm actually asking this, but you know all those photos you take? Can you send me some?

Bokuto: Which ones?

Bokuto: There's literally thousands in my camera roll :P

Bokuto: I have some really cool ones of this bee I found!! I named him Arnold!

Bokuto: Here!

Bokuto: [sends like 17 photos of the same fat bee]

Akaashi: That's nice baby but it's not quite what I had in mind

Bokuto: What do you mean then?

Akaashi: The workout ones..?

Bokuto: My progress pics??

Bokuto: Are you showing me off to someone :0

Bokuto: AGAASH FHATS SO SWEET AHHH

Bokuto: [sends 12 photos of varying grades of beef]

Akaashi: That's not quite what I was going to use them for but sure, I love you too

Bokuto: I LOVE YOUUU

Bokuto: But if that's not what they're for then why do you want them?

Akaashi: To have

Bokuto: I don't get it

Akaashi: To y'know... have

Bokuto: Akaashi Keiji

Bokuto: Were you asking for my nudes?

Akaashi: No

Bokuto: Yes you were!!!!

Akaashi: Maybe

Bokuto: OMG AGAJSHIIIIIIII

Bokuto: You could've just asked for them!!!!!

Bokuto: (＾◇＾)

Bokuto: I've been waiting for this day for SO LONGGG

Bokuto: [sends 34 photos]

Akaashi: That's so many!

Bokuto: That's not even a fraction :D

Bokuto: Do you like them..?

Akaashi: Of course I do

Bokuto: Are they good enough?

Akaashi: Of course they are

Bokuto: Are you hard?

...

Bokuto: That pause is a yes right?

Akaashi: Yes

Bokuto: NIIIIICE

———————————————————————

**Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime**   
  


Oikawa: iwa-chan~

Iwa: No

Oikawa: i haven't asked the question yet

Iwa: That doesn't mean it's the wrong answer

Oikawa: i disagree

Iwa: Ask and we'll see

Oikawa: well I was going to ask if you would send me your nudes

Iwa: Oh

Iwa: Yeah no

Oikawa: you have so many of mine!

Iwa: None of them requested

Oikawa: and yet you saved all of them

Iwa: It's good blackmail material

Oikawa: i know you don't mean that

Iwa: Try me

———————————————————————

**Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsuro**

Kenma: Kuroo

Kuroo: Kenma

Kenma: You know how you're obsessed with how perfect you think your own body is

Kuroo: I don't think that

Kenma: Mhm sure

Kenma: Anyways prove it

Kuroo: What how am I meant to-

Kuroo: Are you asking me to send you pics?

Kenma: Up to you how you do it

Kuroo: I need you to be straight up with me here apple

Kuroo: Are you asking for nudes?

Kenma: If that's how you choose to do it

Kuroo: Ok well let me look through and pick the best ones

Kenma: Don't make fuckboy faces in any of them

Kenma: It's a real turn off

Kuroo: So you're going to do what with these again?

Kenma: Shut up

———————————————————————

**Hanamaki Takahiro and Matsukawa Issei**

Makki: Send nudes

Mattsun: Bet

Makki: Sick bro 

Mattsun: No homo 

Mattsun: [sends very gay nudes] 

Makki: Ofc ofc

Makki: I’ve got socks on 

Mattsun: Dude I’ve got crocs on 

———————————————————————

**Suna Rintarou and Mina Osamu**

Suna: Send nudes

Osamu: new ones?

Suna: If you would be so kind

Osamu: I mean I'm with my brother rn so like 

Osamu: gimme a minute

Suna: Cool thanks

Osamu: you coulda just asked me to come over yunno 

Suna: Yea but I already have my dick in my hand so

Osamu: it could be in my hand tho

Suna: Can you be here within like idk ten minutes?

Osamu: I can try

Suna: If you're late imma just jerk off

Osamu: as long as ya can go a second round

Suna: Challenge accepted


	4. “dude”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi is curious about pet names. Somehow that turns into a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I have a headcanon that Asahi has a lil doggo like a pomeranian or a shih tzu or a bichon frise or something. 
> 
> Also I fully believe that Bokuto watches anime but doesn’t read the original source material (if there is one ofc). I would be kinda shocked if he read anything he didn’t have to tbh hahaha! The himbo energy is strong with this one.. 
> 
> And you can’t tell me Tsukishima doesn’t spend his breaks complaining to Yams about annoying colleagues or patrons or whatever.

**Rock Bottom**

ak_kei: Hello everyone. I hate to reawaken this nightmare of a group chat, but I have a query. Can I ask what nicknames your partners call you? I call Bokuto 'baby' but he uses something different every time. He called me 'muffin' earlier today which was odd. It got me curious what everyone else uses

Shochan: Great question Akaashi!!!!

Kodzuken: Hi

Yamashi: Muffin's pretty cute ngl

GreatOika: yahoo~

GreatOika: i call iwa-chan handsome for obvious reasons

Shochan: Kageyama calls me babe

GreatOika: ew

sugamama: You're one to talk Trashykawa, Iwaizumi calls you "boo"

Nishiya: HahAAhaHhaha

Yamashi: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

Kodzuken: Keeping it classy

Shochan: 😶😶

GreatOika: stfu he initially did it to annoy me but now its like an inside joke and thats pretty damn cute

sugamama: Is it tho? I mean... boo...

sugamama: I cringed just typing it

GreatOika: at least he doesn't infantilise me

sugamama: When did you learn such big words? Well done little one, I'll give you a gold star next time I see you

ak_kei: No need to fight men

Nishiya: Asahi calls me love cus he's romantic like that :)

Nishiya: I call him honey because he's so sweet :)

Nishiya: We're the cutest, I know :))

Kodzuken: Kuroo calls me apple to be a dick so I call him kitten because he fucking hates it

Shochan: Kenma!! 😩

Kodzuken: 🙂

sugamama: Thought he liked it tbh

Kodzuken: Nah he likes pet but hates kitten

sugamama: Ah I see

Kodzuken: He also calls me Sir if that helps Akaashi

ak_kei: I don't want to know about your kinks, thank you kindly.

ak_kei: And that goes for all of you. I already know far too much about your private lives. I meant in your everyday 

sugamama: Well I was about to say Daichi calls me Master but if you don't wanna know..

ak_kei: Sugawara

Kodzuken: Fufufu

sugamama: Fr tho, Daichi and I call each other baby

sugamama: Now that I think about it, it's kinda rare that we call one another by our actual names

Shochan: I mostly just call Kageyama by his name or sometimes sweetie

Nishiya: Kageyama... sweet...?

Yamashi: You might want to rethink that one

Shochan: He can be really sweet sometimes ok?!

GreatOika: ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡° )

Nishiya: If you say so

sugamama: I'm sure he tries his hardest

ak_kei: What about you, Yamaguchi?

Yamashi: Oh we don't use pet names

GreatOika: like ever??

Yamashi: Nope

Yamashi: When we first starting going out it always felt really awkward, I guess cus we were friends for ages first, we just never got into it

Shochan: You should use one and see what he says!!!

Nishiya: Hahah Yamaguchi only challenge!

Kodzuken: Suga can call Sawamura by his name

sugamama: Nooo

sugamama: How about we call them bro or something? That way we can all do it and I won't be murdered

GreatOika: omg iwa would be so shocked

Shochan: I don't know how Kageyama would take that at all

Yamashi: Tsukki will just bully me

Nishiya: And that will amuse us greatly

ak_kei: I think this will be the first time I've called anyone dude or bro or any of that

Nishiya: Oo I like dude better, I'm gonna use dude

Shochan: Yeahh I don't think I ever say bro really

sugamama: Ok then, dude it is

—————————————————————

**Nishinoya Yuu and Azumane Asahi**

Noya: Hey dude

Asahi: Hi love

Noya: Wyd

Asahi: Just walking the lil pupper

Noya: Aw how is little Sun?

Asahi: She's gorgeous as always

Asahi: Her fur's grown out a lot now so she's a little ball of fluff, it's adorable

Noya: Ahh I need to see this!! Haven't been to your place in ages

Asahi: Friday?

Noya: It's a date

Asahi: ❤️❤️

—————————————————————

**Sugawara Koushi and Sawamura Daichi**

Daichi: Hey can you pick up milk on your way home?

Suga: Sure dude

Daichi: Thank you baby x

Daichi: Since when do you say "dude"?

Suga: Wdym?

Daichi: First off, you're more of a "man" kinda guy, feels kinda weird thinking of you calling someone dude

Suga: That's fair

Daichi: Secondly

Daichi: It's me?

Suga: What about you?

Daichi: I'm your baby

Suga: You're also a dude

Daichi: How would you like it if I started calling you dude out of nowhere?

Suga: I. wouldn't... care..?

Daichi: Don't lie to yourself

Suga: I'm honestly surprised you're not threatening murder

Daichi: You're just trying to get a rise out of me because you're bored

Suga: How can you speak so ill of me? Lovers for twelve years and it means nothing to you? I’m shocked! I’m devastated! I shall run away to the mountains never to be seen again!

Daichi: You're insufferable

Suga: Aw you're always so sweet to me baby xx

Daichi: Love you too xx

—————————————————————

**Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime**

Oikawa: hey handsome

Iwa: What do you want Shittykawa? I’m at work 

Oikawa: i'm gonna pick up food before coming over tonight

Oikawa: what do you fancy?

Iwa: Italian sounds good

Oikawa: cool dude

Oikawa: your usual??

Iwa: Yeah but

Iwa: Dude?

Oikawa: yes handsome??

Iwa: That's not weird to you?

Oikawa: what's weird??

Iwa: Calling your boyfriend 'dude?'

Oikawa: we literally call eo assholes and pricks and motherfuckers??

Oikawa: and we used to call eo dude and bro and stuff all the time

Iwa: Yeah when we were in school

Iwa: Before we were dating

Oikawa: you literally called me shitty like two minutes ago what

Iwa: No I mean bro and all

Oikawa: oh uh yea

Oikawa: idk it's whatever really

Iwa: K

Oikawa: i don't like this pause

Oikawa: what are you doing iwa-chan?

Iwa: Just changing your contact name to bro, gimme a second

Oikawa: no you are not

Iwa: Ha! I wasn't but I sure as hell am now

Oikawa: no

Oikawa: no you're not

—————————————————————

**Akaashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou**

Bokuto: Kaashi can you settle an argument between me and Kuroo??? PLZZZ

Akaashi: Alright then

Bokuto: Cool thank you love you

Bokuto: So here it is!! Would Aizawa be able to erase Hagakure's quirk?

Akaashi: I don't know what that means

Bokuto: From _My Hero Academia_!! You literally work in manga OMG AGAAHSHI!!!! Aizawa has the ability to erase other people's like superpower things but he has to look at them to do it, but Hagakure is invisible

Akaashi: You don’t even read manga... 

Bokuto: So I said that he wouldn't be able to erase her quirk because he can't see her

Bokuto: But Kuroo said that he is still looking at her whether his brain like shows him it or not

Bokuto: Or something

Bokuto: I don't really know what he means tbh but he sounds WRong!!!

Akaashi: I think he's trying to say that she is a physical presence whether people can visualise her appearance or not, that she is a solid being and therefore, even if this Aizawa person does not know he is looking at her, he is doing so and thus should be able to cancel her superpower

Bokuto: He just yelled EXACTLY in my ear and now everyone's staring at us

Akaashi: Dude.

Akaashi: Regardless, from what you have told me I would be inclined to agree with Kuroo on this one, however I suspect there are probably canonical reasons specific to the universe as to why that is not the case

Akaashi: Assuming of course, that because you are asking if it is possible in the first place, that means it hasn't been addressed in the show

Bokuto: So you're saying that he can't cancel her?

Akaashi: Probably not. Have you fact checked the manga? There's usually more lore that they don't have enough time to air on television

Bokuto: NIIIICE

Bokuto: You just earned me some moneyyyy

Akaashi: Congratulations baby

Bokuto: Wait waitw ait

Bokuto: Lemme scroll up

Bokuto: Hol on a secand

Bokuto: Did YOU actually say DUDE?!?!?

Akaashi: I suppose I did yes

Bokuto: Duuuuude

—————————————————————

**Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsurou**

Kenma: I'm gonna stream when I get home so can't call until late

Kuroo: Sure thing, my little apple

Kenma: Dude stop

Kuroo: Wow. 

Kuroo: Offended.

Kuroo: Clearly you don't care about me 🥲

Kenma: Stop calling me my stream name

Kuroo: Apologise to me

Kenma: I did nothing wrong

Kuroo: You hurt your absolutely wonderful boyfriend's feelings

Kenma: I'll hurt more than your fucking feelings next time

Kuroo: Wow and threatening me on top of that

Kuroo: I should really contact one of those shelters for abused partners

Kenma: Go ahead kitten

Kenma: I'm sure you can find somebody else to take care of you

Kenma: You are “absolutely wonderful” after all

Kuroo: Finally you acknowledge my greatness

Kuroo: Where would you be without me? 

Kenma: Happy, I assume

Kuroo: Ouch that one actually kinda stung

Kenma: Sorry

Kuroo: Awwww you dooo careeee 🥺🥺😱😚❤️❤️

Kenma: I take it back

Kuroo: Too late 😏

Kenma: 🖕

—————————————————————

**Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei**

Yams: Good afternoon Tsukki

Tsukki: You're taking your break earlier than usual

Yams: Oh yeah I guess I am

Yams: Got most of my stuff done for the day already

Tsukki: I wish.

Tsukki: Nobody told me that working in a museum would involve so many imbeciles. There are literally signs for the bathrooms. Why are you asking me? I am a historian. I have research to focus on.

Yams: Well at least you get to flex on them with all that knowledge, so are you really complaining?

Tsukki: If they asked me about areas I am knowledgeable in perhaps it would be different, but they ask me stuff that doesn't relate to our exhibitions in the slightest. I'm not even meant to be an education officer but here I am leading tedious tours to people who have no real interest. There was a field trip group of middle schoolers in earlier and this one girl kept asking questions so she could show off her superior intellect to her peers and try and catch me out. Fuck she pissed me off. I am losing my mind, Tadashi.

Yams: Respect your elders damn

Yams: Or did she catch you out?

Tsukki: Of course not

Yams: Then... congrats dude

Tsukki: Thanks dude

Yams: Oh no

Yams: What have I started

Tsukki: Don't know what you mean dude

Yams: Spare me

—————————————————————  
  


**Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio**

Hinata: Hey dude

Kags: Hey babe

Kags: Dude

Kags: Hey dude

Hinata: You good?

Kags: Yeah man

Kags: You

Hinata: Yeah I'm fine

Hinata: What are you up to?

Kags: Just got back from training hby

Hinata: At the gym, was just gonna ask if you wanna go out to eat tonight? Have a few drinks before we’re on proper diet plans and all again

Kags: Sure man

Hinata: Are you sure you're ok Tobio? You're talking super stiff

Kags: I’m fine

Kags: Are you with people right now?

Hinata: It’s Tuesday afternoon, the place is practically deserted

Hinata: All the people with normal jobs are at work

Hinata: Why??? 

Kags: Oh I thought you m

Kags: Ignore that it’s whatever

Hinata: ????

Hinata: !!!!

Hinata: Kageyamaaaaaaa

Kags: Oh my god you’re annoying

Kags: I thought you might be stuck with some douchebag reading over your shoulder or something

Hinata: What? Why?? What does that have to do with anything????

Kags: I just meaned

Kags: Meant fuck shut the fuck up

Kags: Don’t even say anything

Hinata: Just tell me already!!!!!

Kags: Like I didn’t want to be

Kags: You called me dude and I can’t remember the last time you did before this so I was trying to figure out why and you’re at the gym where loads of men are and toxicity and shit and I thought you might have some homophobic asshole eyeing you or something

Kags: You’d get beaten the shit out of in a fight

Hinata: No I wouldn’t Bakageyama

Kags: Just cus you have muscle doesn’t mean you can protect yourself dumbass

Kags: Sorry for not wanting my fiance to fucking die or whatever

Hinata: Idk how you talking weird would help that but thanks I guess

Hinata: And Yamaguchi said you aren’t sweet 🙄 

Kags: As if fucking Tsukishima would fight someone for him

Hinata: They got nothing on you

Kags: Damn straight 

Kags: But not like... straight straight

Hinata: 😂😂

Kags: Glad you’re safe or whatever

Hinata: Thanks sweetie

Kags: Yup

—————————————————————  
  


**Nishinoya Yuu and Azumane Asahi**

Asahi: I'm sorry if I'm being dumb but did you mean to call text Tanaka earlier and just pulled it off well or did I do something maybe?

Noya: No?

Noya: What are you talking about honey?

Asahi: You called me dude

Asahi: And I know you call me that often enough in person 

Asahi: But over text you -always- call me honey so it kinda threw me off

Asahi: Sorry if I'm just overthinking things

Noya: Oh god Asahi that was like an hour ago, have you seriously been thinking about that this entire time?!!?!

Noya: You're just overthinking hon

Noya: Sorry for freaking you out

Asahi: It's ok it was all me

Asahi: Still up for Friday right?

Noya: Yes yes definitely!!!

Noya: And just for the record, for the thousandth or so time, ask me if you're getting anxious about something I said

Asahi: I know, I know

Asahi: I just didn't want to bother you but then I thought maybe you were mad and I hadn't meant to piss you off and I couldn't think why you would be but then I remembered you said that before and I wanted to ask again but I didn't want to inconvenience you and now here we are

Asahi: Sorry

Noya: Your sanity is not an inconvenience

Noya: You know I'm pretty chill hon, I'm not gonna be mad about you clarifying something

Asahi: I know I'm sorry

Noya: Stop apologising dummy

Noya: And stop apologising needlessly

Asahi: Sorry

Noya: Asahi!!!!

Asahi: I was about to say sorry again but... I guess.. not?

Noya: You're a quick learner

Asahi: Hah tell that to my old teachers

Noya: Oof let's not talk about school hahaha

Asahi: Good call haha

—————————————————————  
  


**Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei**

Yams: Ok Tsukki this is getting ridiculous

Yams: It's been a week

Yams: Please stop calling me dude

Tsukki: Whatever you say dude

Yams: Please

Tsukki: Yeah alright 

—————————————————————

**Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime**

Iwa: Hey boo

Oikawa: i'm still mad at you

Iwa: Oh come on, it was funny

Oikawa: calling me bro in front of takeru of all people was not funny

Oikawa: he isn't going to let that go maybe ever 

Iwa: Only cus your reaction was so funny

Iwa: Maybe if you weren't so quick to rile up then he wouldn't try to annoy you 

Oikawa: like you can talk

Oikawa: you're practically abusive 

Iwa: You realise you're the bratty kid in that scenario right Loserkawa?

Oikawa: shut up

Iwa: Sure dude

Oikawa: oh my godd it was a challenge let it gooooo

Iwa: No... I don't think I will

—————————————————————

**Rock Bottom**

GreatOika: can i just say

GreatOika: i hate suga-chan with a passion??

Shochan: What did he do!!!

GreatOika: [sends in a photo of Suga and himself in which Suga gleefully holds up a half-empty sheet of gold star stickers and Oikawa is staring completely deadpan into the camera, both his face and shirt covered in stars]

Nishiya: MA BOI

Shochan: 😂😂🤣

Kodzuken: Lmao

ak_kei: You look ridiculous

GreatOika: i don't need you to tell me that akaashi!!

Yamashi: Oh my god Suga

Yamashi: How could you waste your precious little students' supplies on Loserkawa?

Kodzuken: Lmao x2

sugamama: I think he looks great

sugamama: Very accomplished

GreatOika: stfu

GreatOika: and im never doing one of akaashi's challenges again

Nishiya: BOOOO

ak_kei: To be fair, the challenge aspect was not my idea but Hinata's. I simply asked about pet names

Shochan: Hey don't blame me!!

GreatOika: don't worry sho-chan, i still blame akaashi

ak_kei: If you must 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kags is so socially awkward and I don’t want to ignore that even if he only interacts with Hinata so it had to be incorporated somehow. In the sweetest way tho. He thought he was butching it up so his boi wouldn’t get sussed- he’s not even flamboyant or anything in the first place- I know I wrote it but yeah.. I love :) 
> 
> Also you might have noticed I like writing crosstalk, but I’m British so our banter is basically just insulting each other. Generally you don’t insult people you don’t know or don’t like, but your friends and partners, the more savage you are the more you like them kind of thing. So sorry if anything comes across as mean or something. It’s all jokes between friends and loved ones!


	5. what’s my biggest flaw?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Nishinoya actually want to know to better himself? Or does he just want to torture Asahi?

**Rock Bottom**

Nishiya: Text your boyfriend "what's my biggest flaw?"

sugamama: Wow you really wanna ruin Asahi's day huh

GreatOika: this is just going to warrant abuse

Yamashi: For once I wholeheartedly agree with Oikawa

Shochan: I'll do it!!!!

Kodzuken: Kuro's going to tell me to work out with him or drink water or something

ak_kei: You should really be doing so of your own regard

Kodzuken: Can I tell Akaashi to go suck a dick? It feels illegal. Can I do that?

Shochan: 😮

Nishiya: As long as it's Bokuto's

sugamama: Wait does Akaashi even suck dick?

GreatOika: he's got total pillow prince energy to me

sugamama: But he's also a top.. this is a weird train of thought

ak_kei: And one I would ask you all not to dwell on

Yamashi: I got the vibe he sucks the most dick of all of us but maybe that's just me

Nishiya: Interesting take, young Padawan

ak_kei: Please stop

Kodzuken: Right let's pick up the conversation where it left off

Kodzuken: Suck a dick Akaashi

Shochan: Let's do the challenge!!

—————————————————————

**Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei**

Yams: Tsukki I need you to be honest with me 

Tsukki: Always a great way to start a conversation 

Yams: What's my biggest flaw?

Tsukki: You ask shit like this

Yams: You know what?

Yams: Fair

————————————————————

**Nishinoya Yuu and Azumane Asahi**

Noya: What's my biggest flaw?

Asahi: I think we already had a discussion about this with the entire vb team back in the day

Noya: That was agesss ago!! Like yearsss!!! And it was about what girls think of me? I want from you specifically!! And not why girls aren't attracted to me despite me being awesome, what you think I could improve on in the everyday

Asahi: This feels like a trap

Noya: It's noooot just telllll meeee

Asahi: You leave cupboards open after taking stuff out of them

Noya: Honey

Noya: Grow some balls and give it to me straight

Asahi: Heh straight

Noya: HahaHaAH ok but actually tho hit me

Asahi: Um well

Asahi: Ok.. you're too hard on yourself when you mess up

Noya: Says you!

Asahi: I'm just trying to be honest!

Asahi: You're not suddenly weak because you messed something up a little!

Noya: And you're not a total failure for doing one little thing wrong!!!!!!

Noya: Work on your self-esteem

Asahi: Work on forgiving yourself

Noya: Gods I love you hon

Asahi: I love you too, love

—————————————————————

**Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsurou**

Kenma: What's my biggest flaw?

Kuroo: You need to eat more nutrients!

Kenma: No Kuroo! I don't want vegetables!!

Kuroo: It's why you get tired so easily!!

Kenma: I just want chicken fingers!

Kuroo: Your growth was probably stunted

Kenma: GOD

Kuroo: It's why you're so short

Kenma: Can't even appreciate the meme

Kenma: Bitch bye

—————————————————————

**Sugawara Koushi and Sawamura Daichi**

Suga: What's my biggest flaw?

Daichi: You get carried away

Suga: Came back with that one quick

Suga: But wdym?

Daichi: You forget about the real world sometimes cus you're enjoying yourself too much

Suga: I do?

Daichi: We don't have cheerleaders so I'll make my own squad! Well done crashing that training camp you weren't invited to! Lemme just scream at the top on my lungs on live television real quick! I wonder if I can teach this bird to sing the ju-on theme—

Daichi: Should I go on?

Suga: You love it x

Daichi: I love you xx

Daichi: Chaos and all xx

—————————————————————

**Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio**

Hinata: What's my biggest flaw?

Kags: Short

Hinata: Mean

Kags: Annoying

Hinata: Anger issues

Kags: Loud

Hinata: Stupid

Kags: Dumb

Hinata: Perfectionist

Kags: No skill

Hinata: Antisocial

Kags: You literally pick fights and then hide behind other people

Hinata: At least I can make friends

Kags: Stfu

—————————————————————

**Bokuto Koutarou and Akaashi Keiji**

Akaashi: What's my biggest flaw?

Bokuto: You have flaws?

Akaashi: Kou

Bokuto: Yes Akaashi?

Akaashi: Stop being so sweet

Bokuto: (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)

—————————————————————

**Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime**

Oikawa: what's my biggest flaw?

Iwa: Every single one of your flaws is just as bad as the last

Oikawa: great ok don't know what i was expecting

Iwa: Actually, are there any strengths?

Oikawa: stfu

Iwa: No I'm serious

Oikawa: iwa-chan!

Iwa: I can't think of any positives

Oikawa: i'm blocking you now

[ _This message could not be sent_.]

Iwa: OK OK, you're actually sorta fun to hang out with and you can be funny sometimes and you're a massive dork, even if you hide that behind your annoying pretty boy face

[ _This message could not be sent_.]

Iwa: But other than that, you're a self-obsessed asshole so don't let a little compliment go to your head Crappykawa

[ _This message could not be sent_.] 

Iwa: Wait why aren't my texts going through?

[ _This message could not be sent._ ]

Iwa: Did you actually block me?   


[ _This message could not be sent_.]

Iwa: You self-righteous piece of shit 


	6. would you rather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2am games because who needs sleep right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that this is post-time skip. They are all in their mid-late twenties.

**Rock Bottom**

Nishiya: Anyone about?

Shochan: I'm here Noya!!

Nishiya: Shoyo!!

Shochan: NOYA!!!

GreatOika: i am also here

Nishiya: Yay...

Shochan: Yayyy!!! 🎉🎉

GreatOika: at least somebody loves me („ᵕᴗᵕ„)

Kodzuken: I find that hard to believe

Yamashi: lmaooo

ak_kei: I believe an "oof" is appropriate here

Shochan: Akaashi coming in piping hot

Nishiya: Hahahdha

GreatOika: everyone's always so mean to me

sugamama: You make up for it by being the most self-important person on the planet

GreatOika: ouch

sugamama: Love you really x

Kodzuken: Another one 👆

Shochan: Is that a meme?

Kodzuken: If you have to ask..

ak_kei: I don't get it

Kodzuken: I was going off your oof-

Kodzuken: Whatever

Yamashi: I got it Kenma

Kodzuken: Thank you

sugamama: Now now, let's not fight children

GreatOika: you were literally just roasting me but go off i guess

sugamama: Noya messaged us for a reason

Yamashi: Wherefore hath we been summoned, sire?

Nishiya: I'm bored

ak_kei: Brilliant.

Shochan: Me too!

GreatOika: we just gonna ignore whatever the fuck that was from gucci boi or??

Kodzuken: Let him roleplay his medieval knight fantasy if he wants to

sugamama: Yeah don't kink shame in this group chat Shittykawa

Yamashi: It wasn't a kink thing

Yamashi: It was a mistake

sugamama: No need to be ashamed my child, we're all adults here

Yamashi: Can we move on please?

GreatOika: do you want me to come up with a challenge?

Nishiya: No Asahi's asleep

Nishiya: Duh that's why I'm bored

Shochan: We should play a game!!

Kodzuken: Cool what all multiplayer games do you guys have installed?

sugamama: Nothing

Shochan: Mario Kart and Animal Crossing

Yamashi: I have Siege, Left 4 Dead, Borderlands, Payday...

sugamama: I don't play video games x

Nishiya: I have Fortnite?

Shochan: Oh I have that one too!

Kodzuken: Oh my god

Kodzuken: Shoyo literally only has a Switch so does everyone at least have the same console?

Yamashi: I only play PC sorry

Shochan: I thought Fortnite was played on a bunch of things?

Kodzuken: We're not playing Fortnite.

Nishiya: Why not?!

Yamashi: PUBG was better

GreatOika: wtf nerd shit am i reading

ak_kei: I just... I'm going to bed

sugamama: Good choice

Yamashi: It's 2am on a Wednesday, we all have work in a few measly hours, clearly nobody here is making good decisions

Shochan: Let's play a different type of game then!!

GreatOika: i'm listening

ak_kei: What kind?

Shochan: Like party games and stuff!

sugamama: Like truth or dare?

Shochan: Yes!!

ak_kei: Too much movement, I don't want to wake Bokuto

sugamama: Wasn't thinking sorry, I'm still waiting for my baby to come home

Nishiya: Wtf

sugamama: He's been on the night shift and it sucks hard

ak_kei: Won't he be home after you've already left for work?

sugamama: Yeah but our bed is lonely, it's hard to sleep without him

Shochan: Aww

Yamashi: Living together for so long will do that to you

sugamama: Stop being bitter and ask Tsukishima to move in with you already!

Oikawa: oop

Shochan: How about would you rather?!

Nishiya: YESSSS

ak_kei: That works

sugamama: I can only imagine the fucked up things Noya is so eager to ask

Yamashi: Let's get this over with

Kodzuken: Poggers

GreatOika: amazing i'll go first

Nishiya: NO ME

Nishiya: Would you rather fuck Bokuto or get fucked by Bokuto?

GreatOika: i was about to be mad but this question is fucking gorgeous, well done nishinoya

Nishiya: Why thank you kind sir

ak_kei: I don't approve of this message

GreatOika: let's stop with the knights thing tho

sugamama: Don't kink shame Sluttykawa!

GreatOika: don't slut shame me Sugawhora!

Kodzuken: Suga's was better ngl

Yamashi: Yea 4/10 for Oikawa, 8/10 for Suga

Shochan: Other way around smh 😔

GreatOika: thanks sho-chan (⑅˘꒳˘)

sugamama: How could my own child betray me like this??

Nishiya: Somebody answer my amazing question already!!!!

GreatOika: fucked, i bet he's hung( ͡o ꒳ ͡o )

Yamashi: Agreed

ak_kei: No comment

sugamama: Fuck him, he's got that cake, bet it feels amazing bouncing your hips off those cheeks

ak_kei: No comment

GreatOika: wouldn't you already know Suga?

ak_kei: Excuse me what

GreatOika: calm your tits queen, i meant that daichi's pretty bootylicious himself

ak_kei: Continue

sugamama: One day he will fulfil his promise and let me top him

Kodzuken: Big guys are so cute when they're on their backs

sugamama: I’ll probably put him on his hands and knees but close enough

sugamama: Oh you were answering the question oop

Nishiya: Why did I ask this again?

Shochan: I don't know how to top!

Nishiya: That’s why ahahAHHaHAa

Nishiya: I'm a fucking genius!!!!

ak_kei: Who's next?

Yamashi: I'll go!

Yamashi: Would you rather have to marry Oikawa or kill Kenma?

GreatOika: i'd make a fantastic husband!

Kodzuken: Ah the sweet release of death

Shochan: Marry Oikawa 😘

Kodzuken: Thanks Shoyo

GreatOika: thank you sho-chan ('꒳')

Nishiya: Oikawa is way too high maintenance

Nishiya: But I like Kenma...

Nishiya: Ahhhh I honestly can't decide

Yamashi: Congratulations on figuring out the point

Nishiya: I don't like how savage Yamaguchi becomes online

Yamashi: Social anxiety? I don't even know her!

ak_kei: I don't want to be stuck with that hot mess, sorry Kenma

Kodzuken: Understandable

GreatOika: at least you know i'm hot 💅

sugamama: I'm not going to prison so I guess I'm gonna marry Oikawa

GreatOika: as if you couldn't hide a body

ak_kei: If anyone was going to get away with it...

Yamashi: You'd be the only one of us able to acc survive in jail

sugamama: Aw you guys are so sweet x

GreatOika: my turn!

GreatOika: it's an old classic bitches!!

GreatOika: spit or swallow?

sugamama: Swallow

Shochan: Swallow

ak_kei: Like father, like son

sugamama: That's mother to you!

Nishiya: Swallow

Yamashi: What the hell is this? Spit

Kodzuken: Spit

Kodzuken: But I don't even like blowjobs

ak_kei: Spit

ak_kei: Wait what

sugamama: You don't like.. blowjobs..?

Kodzuken: Not giving them

Shochan: Fair my jaw always hurts after

sugamama: All part of the experience

sugamama: When you're with someone like Daichi at least 

Shochan: Didn’t need to know that about my father but

Shochan: 👀👀

Nishiya: 👀👀

Yamashi: Nope I cannot think about Sawamura like that 

sugamama: You’re missing out 

GreatOika: i swallow for the record

Yamashi: Great thanks I really wanted to know

GreatOika: you're so welcome

Nishiya: You go Suga

sugamama: Would you rather pay or be paid to have sex?

Shochan: Suga!!!

Nishiya: Wtf hahahaha

GreatOika: paid, may as well get a few out of it

sugamama: As long as it's with Iwaizumi

GreatOika: oh obviously

GreatOika: unless 👀

sugamama: 👀

Yamashi: Pay

sugamama: Yamaguchi!

Yamashi: Ok but here's my logic

Yamashi: If I'm paying then I get exactly what I want out of it, whereas I have to do what they want if I'm being paid

Nishiya: That being said, as long as it's by my Asahi and for the exact same reasons, paid

sugamama: Really?

Nishiya: I'd be interested to know what he'd ask

Shochan: I'll make Yamayama-kun pay for me

GreatOika: do it sho-chan!

Kodzuken: Pay

sugamama: Any explanation..?

Kodzuken: Idk I like buying shit for people so

ak_kei: I do like giving Bokuto things...

ak_kei: I'll go with that too then

sugamama: Interesting

sugamama: Up next is lil Hinata

Shochan: Oh ok!

Shochan: Seeing as we're all in loving longterm gay relationships... with or without a condom?

GreatOika: without

sugamama: Without

ak_kei: Without

Nishiya: With

Kodzuken: Without

Yamashi: It depends

GreatOika: ok we'll come back to nishinoya in a second, wtf do you mean yamaguchi??

Yamashi: For sex sex then without

Yamashi: But idk I find fingering weird without a condom

ak_kei: I can understand that

Nishiya: Being safe about nails in delicate places, I can respect that

Yamashi: It's cleaner, it's safer, it's more comfortable for both parties and..yeah

GreatOika: ok now lets unpack your answer nishinoya

Nishiya: Asahi likes finishing inside so it means I don't have to scoop cum outta my ass

ak_kei: Why would you dare ask Nishinoya this, Oikawa...

Nishiya: Oh shut up, I bet you’d agree with me if you had experience bottoming

Nishiya: Besides it's just safer isn't it

sugamama: Well yes but you do realise you can't get pregnant, right Noya?

Nishiya: Yeah

sugamama: Then I get why ;)

Nishiya: ;)

GreatOika: if you're saying what i think you're saying... go off girl wow

Shochan: I don't but it's not like it's actually weird? Do what's good for you

Kodzuken: Let's move on

GreatOika: akaashi go!

ak_kei: Would you rather watch or be watched?

GreatOika: juicier than expected oml

Shochan: I don't like this question 🥺

Yamashi: Well watching is just like live porn right?

Shochan: I guess that's true, but only because I really wouldn't like being watched

Shochan: Watch

Kodzuken: Who's to say I haven't done either?

sugamama: Honestly both are good ;)

GreatOika: all eyes on me ;)

Nishiya: Be watched but Asahi would rather watch so ;)

GreatOika: feel free to ask boys ★~(◠﹏◕✿) 

sugamama: 👀👀

Nishiya: Hmm

GreatOika: uwu

Yamashi: Being watched would be so uncomfortable for me, I'd just be self-conscious the whole time

Yamashi: Even Tsukki watching me is embarrassing

sugamama: Which is why you'd be so cute

Yamashi: Did- did Suga just hit on me..?

ak_kei: That’s perfectly valid, Tadashi. And yes, yes he did. 

Shochan: Mother?!?!!?

GreatOika: I mean.. Suga's right.... but I want that attention so... hmm maybe threesomes wouldn't be my thing

sugamama: Let's be real, if two hunky guys were fawning all over you, you'd totally be down

GreatOika: That's true (ꈍᴗꈍ)

Kodzuken: If you weren't such a brat I'd let you sub for me, give you a real audience

sugamama: I'd definitely watch that

Nishiya: Am I missing something here?

Nishiya: Did Kozume become an s&m camboy recently or something?

Kodzuken: Applepi is a kid friendly channel

Yamashi: The last time I watched one of your streams you got in an argument with a complete stranger in VR chat and you called him a motherfucker, dickhead and cunt so many times that I had to turn it off

Kodzuken: For the most part

Kodzuken: But Kuroo and I have done a few shows outside of the channel over the years

sugamama: Wish I'd been there to see them all

Nishiya: I'm still confused

Shochan: Me too!!

sugamama: Kenma and I are members of the same club

Nishiya: Ah.. I get it

Nishiya: Asahi and I went to one in Germany but that was before we were together so it was kinda a weird experience

GreatOika: you have to tell me that story later omg

Yamashi: Oh sweet jesus

Kodzuken: Azumane went to a fetish club... wow.

sugamama: Speaking of, are you guys going to the next munch?

Kodzuken: If Kuroo's able to get a day off then he will, I probably won't let's be real

sugamama: Fair, Daichi's schedule fit perfectly so we're taking the weekend into Tokyo for it

Kodzuken: Oh maybe I will show up then

sugamama: Do! You can finally teach me that new tie you were telling me about

Kodzuken: As long as Sawamura keeps his hands off my property

sugamama: You say that as if it's not Kuroo doing the flirting

Kodzuken: I assure you he'll be kept on a tight leash

Kodzuken: Maybe literally

ak_kei: What the hell am I reading?

ak_kei: You guys are all freaks

ak_kei: I'm calling it here

ak_kei: I already know way too much about your sex lives, I don't need any more details

ak_kei: Goodnight

GreatOika: hey!

Yamashi: Don't lump me in with them

GreatOika: it was your question in the first place

Shochan: I didn't say anything weird!!!

GreatOika: and you’re telling me you wouldn’t watch kenma dominate kuroo on a stage? you’re lying to yourself

ak_kei: I definitely would not

Kodzuken: Tragedy

Nishiya: Goodnight Akaashi!

Kodzuken: I should probably go to bed too if I wanna maintain my sleep schedule

Shochan: What schedule? You go to bed at like 5am and get up well past noon

Kodzuken: Just cus it's unconventional doesn't mean it's not a schedule

Yamashi: I have a shit ton of paperwork to do in the morning so I need to grab at least an hour of sleep here

Shochan: Yeahh my coach will get mad if I'm tired in practice.. Night everybody!!

GreatOika: Goodnight my lovelies (ʃƪ˶˘ ﻬ ˘˶) 

sugamama: Night guys   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re curious into Suga and Daichi’s dynamic, I have a one shot for them. When I wrote it I wasn’t thinking of this stupid chatfic, but then I realised that it’s actually the exact dynamic I’ve given them in this so... Dom!bottom!Suga and sub!top!Daichi anyone? 
> 
> I don’t know how people get the links set in notes so imma just do this and hope it does it for me..? If not just copy and paste the link. 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/29677404


End file.
